Nic was here on the weekend of the 28th/29th September. It wasn't a very good weekend. She hit me with a bombshell that revolved around various concerns she had with issues in her life, which affected me. She wasn't sure any more that she wanted to be in a long-term relationship, having realised that she hadn't really dealt with various issues in her past. But she wasn't leaving me, just letting me know her thoughts and feelings. And to top it off, she got really, really sick on the Saturday night/Sunday morning, and was vomiting all night and completely wasted all day Sunday.
Well, I'm single again. After a week or so of beginning to understand that Nic was growing further and further away from me, and then having horrible dreams Thursday night and last night, I was finally forced by my own feelings to bring things to a head this morning.
All by myself Don't wanna live All by myself Anymore
When I was young I never needed anyone And making love was just for fun Those days are gone
Everyone's favourite song when they've lost the love they had - All By Myself by Celine Dion. I've been playing it to myself tonight, feeling sorry for myself. All the stuff I need to go through.
The worst part about all this is going back to being alone. Having no one to want to be with, no one to be wanted by. Coming home to an empty room, with no one there, or no one to call. I feel cold and alone. I have nothing to keep me warm.
I was supposed to go see Nic this weekend. We'd planned for me to go up last night, and stay there until Monday night, as it's a Labour Day long weekend here, and I took today off work. Obviously that's changed… so I'm on the ferry right now to Picton instead, to visit a friend over there. I figured that I may as well do something interesting with my 4 days off, instead of sitting around home. It'll be the first time I'll see Picton of a day, and I hope to be able to take some good photos of the Marlborough Sounds (I think that's what they're called…).
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