Alanz Eyes

19 May 2003

Add comment May 14th, 2003

I've just finished that book Wakana wanted me to read.

My heart broke, and I cried. A lot.

Wakana recommended I read this book because, in her opinion, it was about us, and the woman and her feelings and beliefs in the book were what Wakana felt hers were.

I've never cried so hard before.

"As much as I want you and want to be with you and part of you, I can't tear myself away from the realness of my responsibilities. If you force me, physically or mentally, to go with you, as I said earlier, I cannot fight that. I don't have the strength, given my feelings for you. In spiteof what I said about not taking the road away from you, I'd go because of my own selfish wanting of you.

19 May 2003

Add comment May 14th, 2003

Last night I had an awesome chat on the phone with Mel, my friend back in Canberra. We spoke about Matrix: Reloaded (more on that soon) and also my 'love life'. I discussed events concerning Wakana and her boyfriend, and how they've moved to Christchurch now, and how I've felt about her and the situation.

I realised that I'm still very much in love with her (which is probably obvious), but I also realised that I haven't been doing much to move beyond my feelings for her. I've been feeling sorry for myself, and missing her, and keeping myself in that state where I'm in still hanging on. I'm in limbo, and I realised it last night.