Alanz Eyes

March 12th, 2005 - Posted by Alan Howard

I  had a conversation this morning with Deidre about spirituality and growth.  I was talking about the ego being prominent in many things we do, where the driving force behind our actions is self-gratification.  This is a standard thing with most human beings.  However, in the process of this discussion, she got defensive and angry and a little upset.  We discussed some more and found out that I had pressed a few buttons of hers, that my comments caused a reaction in her because they hit an 'exposed nerve'.  I explained it wasn't an attack on her, but was just a discussion, but since she reacted that way, it was obvious that she related to what I was saying, but wasn't happy about it.  Further discussion led us to understand that I have a way of pressing her buttons that no one has ever done before.  I ask her to think about answers to my questions, instead of giving her my opinions.  This is because I believe it's better to realise than to be told.  Anyway, the conversation continued further, and I realised something myself.

Many years ago, my friend Kath told me, when she found out I was going to New Zealand, that I was going to be with the most wonderful woman ever, and that I'd press her buttons in a big way but she would appreciate it and we would grow together.  At the time, we thought we were all talking about Michelle.

I realised this morning she wasn't.  She was talking about Deidre.  I didn't press Michelle's buttons - she had her buttons pressed some years ago.  I just took away her control.  But I do press Deidre's buttons.  I realised something else this morning.

I came here to NZ for a reason, but I didn't know what the reason was.  Growth was part of it, but it wasn't 'it'.  For a long time now, I have said "I'm here in NZ until I have a reason to go back home to Australia."  Deidre is the reason for me to go back to Australia.

I came to NZ to meet Deidre, and now that I've met her, I can come back home again with her accompanying me.

Holy shit.  It was a revelation!  I got a little misty eyed as I realised this, and she handed me a tissue while I was explaining my thoughts to her.  She said she's been waiting for a long time for her knight in shining armour.  I said at least my armour is white and shining, but I bet she wasn't expecting the spikes and the blood-like decorations on it!  She laughed.  It was a reference to the knight character I'm playing in the Dungeons & Dragons game she joined on Monday night.

Everything is, once again, magical.  I'm in a great place right now, emotionally and spiritually, and it feels bloody awesome!

Entry Filed under: Pre-2006