Comments on: Do you live with a passive aggressive partner?

By: Alan

Alan — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 06:51:00 +0000

Hi Debbie. I understand how frustrating it can be, being with someone who doesn’t want to talk about their problems - or even acknowledge they have a problem.

I wish you all the best, and you can contact me by email if you want to discuss it further.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 02:50:00 +0000

thank you, I am newly married and think my husband is passive aggressive, but I know I can’t talk to him about it. But everything you shared makes sense.
thanks it has helped a lot.

By: Alan Howard

Alan Howard — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 01:46:00 +0000

When you can understand that passive aggression is a choice you made in order to feel a sense of control in your life, then you can understand that you don’t need to continue the same behaviours. When you had no control, passive aggression was a perfect response. But as an adult, you do have control, and you can choose different behaviours. But if you fail to understand the cause, you’ll continue to blame circumstances or people around you.

The cause of passive aggression lie with our parents. Passive aggression is a response to their actions. Now that we know it, we can choose different responses, and the key is in our ability to choose how we respond. As a child, we don’t have the luxury of freedom to choose. As an adult, we do.

By: Passion

Passion — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 01:21:00 +0000

Once upon a time (mostly in my twenties when I was wildest) I liked to blame my parents for all my personality flaws. Like you, I used to think my parents didn’t provide adequate attention, care and love to me. I definitely had and still have the aggressiveness in me. However, when I started to look at my brother and sister who were brought up in the same environment and given the same level of attention, care and love and they appear to be more tolerant and possess even balanced character, I knew I was not fair to my parents. A flaw is a flaw. Maybe it has something to do with our childhood. Maybe it was carried through from our previous life. Maybe it’s just the way it is. Sooner or later, if we don’t acknowledge and deal with them honestly they’ll become obstacles in our lives in various ways and stop us from being happy. My point is, instead of focusing on the cause; focus on the solution and future. Focus on OURSELVES. Because if we blame our parents; likewise, our parents can blame their parents; and their parent can blame their parents…. It’s always someone else’ fault. So where does it end?

Above being said, I admire your honesty, courage and commitment in self improvement. You have a very open heart my friend!