Are you a perfectionist?

December 7th, 2007 - Posted by Alan Howard

http://www.nytimes.com/

Some researchers divide perfectionists into three types, based on answers to standardized questionnaires: Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression; outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships; and those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them, a risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders.

“It’s natural for people to want to be perfect in a few things, say in their job - being a good editor or surgeon depends on not making mistakes,” said Gordon L. Flett, a psychology professor at York University and an author of many of the studies. “It’s when it generalizes to other areas of life, home life, appearance, hobbies, that you begin to see real problems.”

If you’re a perfectionist and you think that it might be nice to NOT be one, then there’s even some advice to help you ‘get over it’.

Leave work on time. Don’t arrive early. Take all the breaks allowed. Leave the desk a mess. Allow yourself a set number of tries to finish a job; then turn in what you have.

“And then ask: Did you get punished? Did the university continue to function? Are you happier?” Ms. Provost said. “They were surprised that yes, everything continued to function, and the things they were so worried about weren’t that crucial.”

The world continues to turn. Heads do NOT explode. People still like you. Or dislike you, if that’s the case. Being a perfectionist simply prevents you from being happy, and since that’s your ultimate goal, let go of those perfectionist tendencies.

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Entry Filed under: Self Improvement

3 Responses to “Are you a perfectionist?”

  1. Passion
    1

    I think I am the first category perfectionist. Over the years I have developed certain ’standards’ on things that matter to me and I am not prepared to compromise.
    - My house must be clean at all times (except when we are sick). Home is my castle my haven. If my house is clean I can have a ‘holiday’ in my own home! When my house is clean, I am in good mood and I am a nicer person to everyone. My bedroom has a nice view which contains nothing but a big palm tree, when I jump into bed I know I am in a 5-star hotel!
    - My health is important and to keep a good shape means a lot to me. I am a woman and looking good just adds so much to my self identity as a woman. Feeling sexy and wanted is such a wonderful feeling. Thanks to my genes it actually doesn’t require much of effort. I never go on diet or skip meals. Moderate exercises and sensible eating is all that takes. I have never been overweight but if that happens perhaps I would go into deep depression for the first time in my life!
    - My desk at work is always clean and tidy - My productivity improves and I can think clearer. When my desk was piled with mountains of files on a few rare occasions I found myself disoriented, depressed and grumpy.
    - Last but not least, I want to be the perfect mother. In saying that, I don’t mean I am struggling to be a perfect mother. I just AM - according to my other half. And it comes naturally!
    Oh I don’t think I am a perfectionist at work just because my desk is clean. It is a good habit that works for me rather than against me. Although I am a little early most days I always leave on time, not a minute more!
    I don’t think I need help. I haven’t needed help and generally my husband doesn’t have an issue with them. Over the years either he has been ‘trained’ or we have become co-ordinated as a matter of fact he has become a perfectionist himself! He is a ‘fitness freak’ himself and is a main contributor for maintaining a spotless home!
    What I mean is, if being a perfectionist is not causing pain to yourself or nuisances to others, there is nothing wrong with it! But if you are a perfectionist living with a higgledy and piggledy partner then I would imagine some compromise may have to be reached if you want a happy relationship!

    Reply to this comment.
  2. Alan Howard
    2

    As long as your struggle to achieve perfection in your life isn’t detracting from your ability to live life, I don’t see a problem with it.

    However, life is imperfect. People are imperfect. The world is imperfect. (Some say that they are all perfect in their imperfection, but that’s another story…) To strive for something that is unattainable can - and does - lead to mental health problems, because perfection is an unattainable goal, and it can drive people crazy.

    Reply to this comment.
  3. Passion
    3

    I wouldn’t categarise myself as a perfectionist always chasing the ‘unattainable’. But I am sure there are perfectionist like that. For example, my idealist weight is 48kg which I believe I look the best however I’ve been a couple kg under for as long as I’ve became a mother. Not ideal, but once my baby is a bit bigger and more independant I know my ideal weight would come back. By saying I am a perfectionist I mean I have specific standards for certain things but I certainly would not be fixated with it and drive myself or others nuts. I never go that extreme. Perfectionist doesn’t have to be extremeist! ;-)

    I guess too much personal information here! lol But in general, I do understand the points of this article which is about being flexible, being adapting and accepting things as they are and I am all for it! ;-)

    Reply to this comment.

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