Age differences and political correctness
July 15th, 2008 - Posted by Alan Howard
I found quite an interesting post over here relating to age differences between online friends, and how the author felt 'weird' to be friends with people ten years or more younger than him.
At my old age of 31, were I to be a "real world" friend of any 20 year old girl, people should be asking questions. If I were palling around with some 14 year-old boy geek, they would be asking other questions. Yet, the occasional eyebrow-raising invite hits my e-mail box, and makes me wonder if somebody just might get the wrong idea.
Isn't it a sad state of affairs when we have 30 year old men believing that people should be asking questions if they have friendship with 20 year old women (interesting that he calls her a girl…) And he would expect people to be suspicious if he was friends with a 14 year old boy. And he worries about what people would think when he gets invites from young people in his email….
This is one of the problems I've seen happening with political correctness (PC) gaining such a horrible foothold in society. Media, along with the vocal and fearful minorities, have encouraged a social expectation that all men are potential paedophiles (I'm wondering when being a father will be banned or 'only under supervision'…), and that large differences in age between two people actually means one is predator and one is victim.
My parents had an age difference of about 20 years, with dad marrying mum when he was 40. Her being 20 was once normal and accepted. Today it seems to imply that the older man is a predator or desperate, and the woman is either a money-grabber or a victim.
Society has become cynical and callous, seeming to believe that every person is either a criminal or a victim in some fashion. Gone are the days of mentoring, helping young people grow, to become responsible adults. Nowadays, if you want to help a young person, people think you have predatory and 'evil' motivations.
You know, I think that something is happening here which is really sad.
It's a common psychological theme that we see in others what is in ourselves. We expect others to do as we do. If we think people are essentially good it's because we are essentially good. And the opposite is also true, that if we think people are essentially evil, it's because we are essentially evil.
We see in others exactly what we see in ourselves.
There was recent controversy here in Australia about artistic photos being displayed of a young, naked teenage girl. It inflamed the nation, inspired discussion and 'righteous indignation'. Quite a number of people decided that the photos were pornography, and the artist / photographer should be arrested for pornography, and the girl's parents should be arrested for the same thing, as well as exploitation.
An interesting comment I read from some blogger at the time (whose blog eludes me right now) was based around the following concept: what kind of people look at a young, naked teenage girl and automatically think of sex?
The accusations people make about what others do, and the opinions they share of various politically correct concepts that they wholeheartedly support, simply shows what goes on in their own minds.
And this shows it's not a coincidence that some of the major proponents of child pornography laws engage in child pornography themselves.
The judgements we have of other people only show the judgements we have about ourselves. Before you judge others for their actions, make sure that you're not making it obvious what you think about yourself.
And back to the original topic of this post… I wholeheartedly support people of all ages coming together to assist each other or be assisted in the pursuit of various interests and goals. Young people need guidance from adults as they become adults themselves, or they appreciate an adult helping them find success in a shared interest.
When you help people grow, you're helping yourself grow. When, in fear or ignorance, you do what you can to prevent growth relationships, you say more about yourself than about others.
I think people should be charged for crimes they commit, rather than on the fearful suspicions going on inside the head of their accusers. What do you think?
Entry Filed under: Outraged, Relationships
9 Responses to “Age differences and political correctness”
Posted: Jul 15th, 2008 at
I have friends who are a wide range of ages, both online and off. We range in age from 18-19, right up to mid to late 30’s. Most of my friends cluster in their late 20’s. (I’m 22)
I don’t think that its odd that a 35 year old may find my ideas interesting, and want to spend time with me. I don’t find it odd that I may find a 17 year old interesting in a non-sexual way. People that are repressed focus on sex way too much.
I think that its kinda disgusting that people automatically assume sexual motives.
On your other point, I do think that people often accuse others of the crimes that they themselves have committed. A notable example at the moment is the story of Kyle Payne.
I commented to a friend of mine once, that perhaps if they were not so judgemental about others, and didn’t gossip so much about other peoples private lives, perhaps they would not live in such a state of paranoia.
I also think that its very important for people of a range of ages to come together for learning, and support. How else do we grow? We are humans… we learn by imitation. I read somewhere that they discovered that children that are reared in large groups of their age mates (like our schools), but with minimal adult contact are often less intellectually, emotionally and socially advanced than children raised in groups that have a range of ages present.
Thats why community groups are so important. Kids need adults around, and they need to see them interacting in an adult way.
Ditto for ‘kids’ my age. I like having people who know stuff around, cos they can go ‘Hey kid, don’t sweat, it’ll be ok’ when ‘disaster’ strikes, and its actually a minor mishap, it just looks freaky cos I have never seen it before.
Posted: Jul 15th, 2008 at
“…perhaps if they were not so judgemental about others, and didn’t gossip so much about other peoples private lives, perhaps they would not live in such a state of paranoia.”
Cause and effect. I believe the cause of their gossiping is their paranoia, rather than their paranoia being a result of their gossiping.
I also believe that if ‘A’ accuses ‘B’ of various crimes, and works hard to prevent those crimes, then ‘A’ is likely guilty of those crimes themselves, and their accusations and work is an attempt to keep attention away from them and directed elsewhere.
They disgust me, along with those who see naked children and think only of sex with those children, and so they work hard to combat child pornography.
The world is a sick place, and getting sicker each year.
I wonder what I’m saying about me with the messages I’m projecting on this blog….
Posted: Jul 15th, 2008 at
jeez, i am a thousand, smart as heck, and love ideas, doesn’t matter where they come from or how old the person is who communicates them … this is the internet, mind to mind …. no way i am going to friend you on facebook, that is a waste of time, but if i meet you on friendfeed, and you are saying something cool, i am going to jump in with a cheer and continue the thought … and if you are dumb, age won’t help
Posted: Jul 15th, 2008 at
hi gregory, thanks for commenting. Don’t you think that age can help determine whether a comment is perceived as smart or dumb? Someone younger, with less life experience or knowledge than an older person, could be seen as ‘dumb’… I guess that means you’d disregard them as dumb, when in fact they’re just young?
It’s easy to make judgements, but how do we know such judgements are correct?
Posted: Jul 16th, 2008 at
I’m 26. I’ve got good friends who are 18, a very good friend who’s 73, and a weird mate in Australia who’s…not sure, but old.
Surely it’s only when there are issues of intimacy, and possibly misuses of power, respect or desire that we should be asking questions.
But then, I saw a formula the other day that made me chuckle. Never date someone younger than your age divided by 2 plus 7. Just a bit of fun…
Posted: Jul 16th, 2008 at
Yeh, I read the same formula just yesterday, but it was described as something like a universal law for minimum age. So for you, you can’t go out with anyone under 20. If you do, you’re violating universal laws. If the Universe Police don’t come and get you and take you away, you’ll at least have your town gossiping about how awful you are….
Posted: Jul 16th, 2008 at
@Alex
A bunch of my friends adapted the (X/2)+7 law for queers. We decided that age wasn’t as important as making sure that the other person was an equivalent amount of out as yourself, for at least half as much time as you have been out.
Of course, my partner has been out for 7 years, and I have been out for 7 months, and this was immediately brought up… but she says that the rule doesn’t apply to me since when I came out I did it with a world rocking, universe shocking bang.
Posted: Jul 19th, 2008 at
Good article and one that needs airing. Thanks, Alan.
The world has reached a point where we need to reclaim our humanity.
Posted: Jul 19th, 2008 at
I think it’s also reached a point where we may lose our humanity. We teeter on the brink, and it will go one way or the other.
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