How to make your asian girlfriend eternally happy
I found this on a random internet page somewhere, and just had to post it. I don't completely agree with it, but I can see how some people would. But anyway, I thought it was funny. 
- Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number two rule follows.
- Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it.
- Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one foot taller than her – not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better.
That sound
Deidre and I went out on a date on Friday night, going to dinner and then to see a movie (we saw "In Her Shoes", which I thought was quite good). During the movie I heard something.
Pppfffftt
That sound. You know the one. Of 'escaping wind'.
This is something I've gotten used to, as she lets her wind escape in places that she feels comfortable with, or where she thinks people won't hear her. But people often do hear her, and she says 'excuse me', which is great. It means we can go back again, where she does it again. But hey, as long as she says 'excuse me', they keep letting us back.
I think the cinema floor shook when she let her wind escape. I looked at her, and she smiled. I hoped no one else noticed, and grinned back.
Intimate connections…. hahahahahaha!
Ok, I found this and I laughed my little arse off. I laughed and laughed…
Now that I've calmed down a bit from all the laughing I've been doing, let me explain it to you. It's a woman's vibrator that's like a 'bullet'. It's inserted into that place where these vibrator thingies are inserted, and… it has text message capabilities, so that you can receive text messages from your loved one, and when you receive it, the vibrator vibrates. So the woman can be walking around with this inside of her, just waiting for a text message….
Here's a corny intro from the website:
We all send romantic, suggestive text messages to our partners, often deliberately to get them going. Imagine if these texts could touch the body as well as the mind. Thanks to new technology, now they can. Mental images and physical sensations are one with The Toy. Your text fantasies are no longer confined to the imagination. With The Toy you can unite, wherever you are…
Beginner’s Guide to American Politics
Thanks to this site:
Funny resignation letter!
A friend of mine has recently resigned from their place of part-time employment, where they were working as a bouncer. With their permission, I've put a copy of their resignation letter in here, because it's just so darn funny!
There comes a time in every man's life where the animalistic urges subside to the desires to lead a more tranquil, harmonious life. A time when the adrenaline of fighting or the lure of random young pussy no longer holds centre place in one's life. After many years of working waist deep in society's scum, I feel it is time to retire to greener pastures.
Upon reflection, my experiences on the door will provide me with many, let's say, interesting memories that will make me laugh and worry. The years I have spent as an 'Attitude Adjustment Coordinator' have provided me with many different lessons, not to mention lesions. Lessons on how to deal with people, and lessons on how to deal to people. If the former fails then may the latter prevail.
